These two works are sisters. There cannot be one without the other. We see the eye, experiencing the emotion, and next to it lies the emotion itself. These pieces work in tandem to bring visuals to an experience that is otherwise only mental or thought through. I wanted to create a visual depiction of grief that had accuracy and showed how this primal emotion feels in the moment.

Monstro Libra is a repurposed lamp made of plastic, glass, yarn, beads, silicone, acrylic, and metal. It is 2 ft by 8 inches, the shade being 12 inches in diameter. The work was labor-intensive and took nearly 56 hours. I rewired the lamp and placed a pink lightbulb with a heart-shaped filament. I then made fake skin with silicone and acrylic paint, then I attached each fiber and bead, placing the silicone skin last. The top of the lamp’s shade has French-braided fibers reminiscent of hair.

The lamp is me; I am this monster; I’m all of these parts and bits made up from my experiences. Compounded trauma can leave you feeling broken. But one experience that has mended me has been love. Although I’m still scarred from the worst moments, I’ve found solace through my relationships and friendships. It’s given me the safety to be myself and allowed me to bring myself back together again. Despite the experiences that made me feel monstrous, I was able to finally put that aside and feel beautiful again. Sometimes you go through experiences that make you feel gross, ashamed, confused, and upset. But turning towards the people who love you during those moments will give you connection and allow you to repair yourself through acceptance and understanding

Foam board, Joint compound, glue, acrylic paint, masking tape, upholstery needles, dog speaking button, miniature lights, resin, wood, spray foam

An overactive amygdala from PTSD can cause sufferers to cry uncontrollably from many different stimuli and reminders of past trauma. This work is supposed to drive empathy for those who suffer from this condition, forcing the audience to cry along with the sufferer. You can walk up and poke this eye, perpetuating a cycle of pain. Pain and trauma is something that is passed back and forth. We hurt people and people can hurt us.

An excerpt from my notes on experiencing trauma

“I was constantly on high alert, wishing I could turn my brain off. Seeing things speaking to me that weren’t actually there. Every breath I took was short and sharp. I felt like I was screaming from the inside out. I felt terrified I would be like this forever. Thinking I was dying, to feel like this and not be dying didn’t make sense. What I hadn’t realized is that my entire identity was becoming fractured. Everything I had known to be true was crumbling in front of me.”

2021, polyvinyl chloride, stainless steel

2022, porcelain, unglazed.